At last I see the light….

It was nice to start to feel better. I know that I did not have a diagnosis yet, but at the same time, how often did this really happen? My hubby and I would sit and “run the stats” on which diagnosis it could possibly be. We spent a lot of talking, a lot of time crying, and a lot of time preparing for a future that was so different than the past that we were slowly leaving behind. We talked of our 3 children, so young and so little and now so forced to grow up prematurely and him possibly having to raise on his own.  Our fairy tale was changing, but we were determined to change with it and provide the best environment for our kids .

My husband and I have one of “those” relationships. Really we are like PBJ, we meld together nicely,  but we are very distinct and completely opposite. He proposed to me after knowing me for eight days and I said yes. And we have been together for 18 years.  We met in college on a dance floor and he just “didn’t let go.” And he hasn’t since. Yes, seriously people, romance still exists if you just let it happen.

Now, I think you can safely say that I had been over-achieving and over-extending myself for sometime. That was one of the biggest obstacles I needed to overcome (and sometimes still do). I needed to put Pinterest down and figure out my life for myself. This is a challenge in and of itself- then they put you on steroids. We have spoken of the steroids. I do not like them. They make you swell, keep you constantly awake (with that over-achiever mind racing), and make your hands jittery (like I drank a whole pot of coffee jittery). So at about 2 o’clock in the morning, I would start to think. About everything. But the one thing that I kept coming back to was my husband. And the one dream that I have had for a while is to renew my vows with him. It was an awful time. But yet the perfect time. I really struggled with the concept though. Not wanting to displease others by not inviting them, how much food to order? Where to have it? What to wear? And really I needed to pull it together in about a week. So the whole steroid thing turned out to be helpful. Fortunately, my bestie also reminded me that this was about us and our family. Keeping it real and SMALL. So on January 28, 2017, I remarried my best friend in a small ceremony surrounded by my kids and dear friends and it was perfect. A blend of old and new. Because the journey was not over, just going down a road less traveled. Lit by a new light that was opening our eyes to all that we were missing. 

By this point, my parents had come to live with us . Because although we have a wonderful community, things at our house were very unpredictable and they were full of doctor’s visits and treatments that would take us away for most of the day. We needed a constant for the children and were very fortunate that Grandma and Grandpa could provide that.  Each and every day I do not know what I would do without them.

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