Did anyone page the doctor?

Fruitful harvest! 12 hours before going in.

It has been a long 72 hours. Long story short, don’t eat after your kids – ever. Especially if you have had a bone marrow transplant.

I hate going to the hospital. Let’s face it, I am desperate when I go to the emergency department. When I go to the hospital, I need the most support, but it is often those times that I feel least supported.

I need caring. I get waiting. I need explanation. I get vagueness. I need confidence. I get ignorance. I need advocacy. I get ineptitude. I need medication. I get fear. I need to trust. But I feel no reason to and am even afraid to. And this is from someone who has walked in both shoes. I know and empathize with both parties.

Many providers turn a deaf ear to the actual needs and knowledge of their patients. And although I am sure arrogance plays a role, providers are also confined to “get in and get out” circumstance of too many patients, too little resource and balancing the tightrope of profit. As a provider, do not think you know what’s best for a patient. Do not talk to them. Talk with them. If they bring up something you have not heard of. Don’t dismiss it. It’s just something you haven’t heard of.

Where does this come from? I’m just an insider with a strong view of an outsider. There is so much broken about our healthcare system that is woefully unprepared for what we face now. It is a system flooded with protocol meant to guide, but often constrains and constricts. Doctors are tied to insurances that won’t allow (pay for) the best treatments. Insurances and patients are hindered by astronomical fees for life saving treatments. Caring and healing have left long ago left the table to be replaced with greed and arrogance. Don’t get me wrong, caring and helping still have a seat, but when it comes what really happens in healthcare they are dealt a small portion of resources by a gluttonous host. The litigious nature of our culture has driven “what is best for the patient” out of the picture to be replaced by “what won’t get us sued” and “what insurance will pay for.” And that is a terrible way to have to practice.

Patients are hungry to be heard and validated. I know I am. I am not looking for a pill to solve my problems. I know that I need to take care of myself physically, spiritually, emotionally; that being said, I need a provider to say “listen, I hear you, but you are not in a place to do this by yourself. I confidently feel that medication will help you.” And they need other providers to have confidence in that decision. You are not going to feed a habit or create one with one dose or even two (or 10). That is not where the problem lies. The fear of doing so needs to be extinguished. Quickly. You are not helping a patient by giving them Tylenol when morphine is required. And every patient is different. Providers have been awarded knowledge that they are afraid to use. I urge everyone not to be afraid of medicine. Are there problems? Side effects? But remember dihydrogen monoxide is lethal in doses too.

The “seeker” has been created in the shadows of the system. Where ‘enablers’ and addicted feed the chaos. There are many “seekers,” but what they seek relief from is life. That is a whole other discussion. But you can see with what I point out, how they so discreetly slide into the system.

It is truly sad that we know this. We do. Nothing I say here is a surprise or revelation. But bipartisanship and lack of true conversation prevents any movement away from the beast’s table. Caring and healing once again shuffled out of the picture.

I will not and cannot give up the hope that I have for humanity. I do believe that there is a lot of good left. While we may be sowing with tears, our joyful song will come.

Psalm 126: 3-6

The Lord has done great things for us;
We are filled with joy and praise. Lord, restore our fortunes to us
like streams in the desert place.
Those who sow with tears and weeping
will return with joyful song;
Sowing seed will bring forth reaping—
Sheaves that to the Lord belong.

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